Over a sleazy, house-inflected beat, the unruly Rochester, New York rapper loses his shit for nearly five minutes. Rxk Nephew’s “Early Age Death” sounds like it would forever be on repeat in the neon-lit club filled with organized-crime henchmen that once played host to one of John Wick’s greatest shootouts.

I get it, you can’t rap about things that happened 30 years ago forever, but if that’s the case, why not just start a podcast? I’m sure Spotify will put it on the homepage right in between the Obamas and Joe Rogan. But he probably should have just doubled down on “Big Pimpin’” and taken back his “SORRY NOT SORRY” verse, where he talks about his new diet and his experience as an angel investor. This is understandable, given that he sounds like the worst person to go on a date with other than John Cusack in High Fidelity on the 2000 hit, which doesn’t square with his desire to one day be the world’s first universally beloved billionaire. Earlier this week Jay took time out of his busy schedule to denounce his “Big Pimpin’” verses.

There can’t really be anybody out there who would rather hear a JAY-Z verse about his investment portfolio than the time he lied about losing 92 bricks, right? Well, there is, and it’s Jay himself. JAY-Z represents for all the angel investors I’m pretty sure that’s how the song “EVERY CHANCE I GET” from the new DJ Khaled album KHALED KHALED came together.ġ. “He’s a Chicago rapper, so that will significantly increase your brand visibility in the Midwest.” “Bring him to me!” erupts a profusely sweating Khaled, ripping a sheet of paper with his hands. “Sir, according to my report your streams will increase by 9 percent if you get a Lil Durk feature,” Young Moranis says. I imagine he sits at the head of a conference table with a “We the Best” logo etched into it, surrounded by walls lined with trophies from second-rate award shows, while guys who look like 1986 Rick Moranis hand him spreadsheets about who to get on his next album. To all the guests on DJ Khaled’s new record: no more Bitcoin raps, pleaseĭJ Khaled albums are concocted in boardrooms, not studios. Pitchfork writer Alphonse Pierre’s rap column covers songs, mixtapes, albums, Instagram freestyles, memes, weird tweets, fashion trends- and anything else that catches his attention.

Khalid album clean